Blogging assignment 7

I wouldn't want to trade my happiness for all the money in the world. Yes you can buy all the things you want, but you can't truly be happy. I'd rather be poor and still have my happiness then to be so miserable and have money.

Shopping Spree!

Oh if I had the money to spend on these things I would be so happy! I would also want to buy a building to convert into a Animal Shelter, A lifetime pass to Valleyfair, and a unlimited gas card.

Boonies or city girl?

For me I'd rather live out in the boonies if I actually had no choice but to choose between the two , I like be able to go outside at night and see the stars, I don't want lights going through my windows. If I lived out in the boonies though it would have its downfalls, I would be so far away from everything that I would have to make "Trips" to the store instead of walking down the street.  So I guess I'd be more of a suburb kind of girl. I wanna be able to see stars at night not really be bothered by lights at night and noises, but I don't want to be so far away from everything.

Reflection.

These Past few months after becoming Eighteen..Finally.. There has been some growing up. I now have a job that is all cleaning for the most part and its worth every minute I have to be there. It not only has made me realize how easy I've had it all of life it has made me appreciate what my parents have done for me. I will soon have a car to call my own so that will in turn open more freedoms for me. Most of my checks will go to payments then gas. The rest will be to be saved for a apartment so I can start living a life of my own and become more of the person my parents want me to be, and would be proud of. So now that I am capable of it I'll just have to push through it.

Ohhh country Music(:

You don't know nothing about music unless you're a country fan! (:
Its my life and my heart.  I love country music its something my family gets sick of because I'm constantly playing it, Ohh well (: I wanna go to We fest! Three nights of country music and camping, sounds like the best thing ever to me. Sad thing is the tickets are 600$  but I have til August to save up for the most amazing concert ever! Even though I only absolutely love two of the artist that are play it still seems like fun (:

Year of Up and Downs

 I haven't blogged in awhile, I guess its because I've had so much going on in my life. Even so this moment in my life is a huge break through, Soon (In a few days in fact) will be my year from being discharged for Abbott Northwestern, and let me tell you that I've been through hell and back. I'm in a place right now where I'm finding myself heading back to where I was.

My depression has became worse because I have not been seeing a therapist or taking my medication daily.  Life is just a giant struggle. I have not had thoughts of suicide or harming myself but I find myself sleeping more, mood changing rapidly, and Crying non stop before falling asleep, But not because my life has become complicated but because I feel numb about things that use to excite me, and make me happy.




Depression is not something that goes away over night, Its for the rest of your life, trying to balance out your emotions and finding the right things to help you cope with the world around you.

Day by Day

"Everything happens for a reason"

I've been taking things day by day, at first it was a huge struggle.. Now being close to ten months of being away from my past. I feel stronger, happier, loved and cared for. There isn't much I can say about my journey cause for me its so faded, yet I still can tell you that the hill I thought I was trying to get over was only a tiny grain of sand, but at the time it was more then a hill, more like a mountain. The only way I pushed through to stand on my own was with the help of those who cared enough to help me. It'll be a struggle to make it through what is ahead of me but I know I'm ready for it. I have been for awhile now.

I would be lying if I said that every smile that shines is a real one.

Only in reality its a frown to ashamed to show.

Dear Depression

I find you amusing. Nothing but pain and complications when you're around. When you're not there is still a shadow over my head. You made my life hell. I hate that you were so hard to control. Now that its not a issue I find it hard to believe that at one point you controlled my every move. I wouldn't want to fight you because I was to weak to face you. Now that I'm stronger you seem so small, Like the problems that you brought along, I can finally fight you and succeed til the end. My smile is brighter and that shadow is no longer here to dwell over me. I find the feels of sadness and loneliness are completely gone. I can actually hold on to how I'm feeling and embrace it. Being happy and waking up in the morning is what I look forward to everyday, Death is not an a choice when it comes to my thoughts now. Living for the moment, what I have and who I am is the only option for me. So depression please know I want you to be gone forever, Because how I'm feeling daily now is the way for me to Live my Life.

Love,
Kayla

As time grows closer to the end
I am not strong enough to push through
Until the day comes
I'll be weak, scared, and unknown

You saved me once.. twice..
The third time wont be a charm
My heart is sinking
deeper and deeper it grows for the dark.

Time stops but only for a moment
In your arms is safety.
Warmth and I can hear your heart beat
Slowly our rhythms sync
together as one
and then for that moment I smile.

Blogging;

"For some reason I really like this now. At first the thought of blogging for everyone to see bored me. Why would anyone want to read stuff that I had to say, but turns out its a way for me to actually express myself, and how I see things. People may not like what I have to say but then again who cares. Obviously if I post things they are meant to be read by people. So why not post things that I like, Like my poetry.Yes some may say my poems are dark, well that's okay cause most of my poems have a meaning and maybe just maybe that day I feel like typing something that doesn't brighten everyone's day. but still gets you to feel what I'm feeling, How it is to be in my shoes. I guess right now I'm just ranting about nonsense but its true, Not everyone is going to like the way I phrase things or how deep my emotions can get but I'm okay with that because in reality everyone has their right to have their own opinions, even though you may not agree with what they have to say." <- From a previous post

Now that  its been a few weeks with blogging I realized I really love this, and will be continuing with this because like I said in the last passage above it helps me with figuring out my problems or certain situations, it's my coping mechanism, and finally I found something that works for me. My blog is just a journal for me, its my life in writing, my thoughts and feelings typed for everyone to see, and hopefully a way for others to really understand who I am, instead of judging me for something I'm not.